When Breathwork Didn’t Calm Me: How One Popular Wellness Tool Made Me Angry Instead.
I recently signed up for a few breathwork taster sessions. I had visions of floating out of the room afterwards feeling blissfully relaxed and ready to take on the world. The first session delivered something close to that. It felt interesting, gentle and worth exploring. The second one was a bit more repetitive and I left feeling slightly confused about why everyone looked so zen while I was thinking about what to have for dinner.
Even so, I thought I must be missing something and agreed to a third workshop. My partner was very keen and I thought it might be the one where it all clicked.
It did not click.
We were taken through a technique with very repetitive breathing patterns. There was a drum involved. My nervous system did not get the memo about finding inner peace. It went into full activation mode. My head was saying stop, my body was saying get me out of here and the drum was driving me slightly mad.
At one point I curled up in a ball and tried to go to sleep just so I could get a break from it. We were four rounds into seven and at this point I ‘gave up’ but I did return for the final rounds and I was proud of myself for doing that. I definitely didn’t love it though.
When it ended, I left the hall pretty swuftly, I’ve had ‘feedback’ since from my partner who suggesetd I probably seemed quite rude – this was not my intention. I just needed to get outside and breathe normally again.
For the next few days I felt unsettled. My partner felt low and we both wondered what had just happened. The following day we received a follow up email explaining that the intensity can trigger emotional disruption which was slightly reassuring.
Wierdly, he loved it. He has already booked another session. So clearly breathwork can be brilliant for the right person. Right now, that person is not me.
I am glad I tried it. I gave it a fair chance. The experience helped me understand something really important. Not every self help tool works for everyone. You are allowed to accept that something might be wonderful for someone else and still absolutely not your thing.
What I learned
I was trying to relax but my body wanted something different.
Breathwork can be stimulating as much as calming. My nervous system needed rest. I pushed it the other way and it pushed back.
You do not have to push through discomfort to prove anything.
Opting out of two rounds was the best decision I made. Listening to your body is a win.
Feeling angry or frustrated during wellbeing activities does not mean you are doing anything wrong.
It might mean the method is wrong for you. Or the timing is wrong. That is useful information in itself.
You are not failing if a wellness trend does not work for you.
There is no badge for tolerating something that makes you feel worse. Trying something and walking away is sensible, not shameful.
What we can notice in moments like this…
Sometimes we try a wellbeing tool expecting calm, but it leaves us tense, frustrated, or just not quite right. It can be useful to pause and check in with ourselves: does this feel supportive, or is it stirring up something else?
It’s a reminder that there are many ways to feel good. What works for one person might not work for another, and that’s completely normal. Exploring and noticing what suits us individually is part of the journey we’re all on.
In Summary
Breathwork clearly has incredible benefits for many people. I can absolutely see why it is so popular. For me though, right now, it is a no. I learned that I do better with things that gently settle my system rather than crank it up like a pressure cooker.
We are allowed to explore, experiment and then decide. That is part of looking after ourselves. I am choosing options that feel supportive and kind to my mind. I hope you will too.