At the start of the year, work was a little quieter than usual.
As someone who runs their own business, quieter months can feel slightly uncomfortable. There’s always that moment where you wonder whether the phone will ring again, whether the next project will appear, whether things are about to slow down more than you’d planned.
But something interesting happened when I recently experienced some quieter weeks… I had more time. Time to go to the gym without rushing. Time to walk. Time to sit with a coffee and actually enjoy it rather than treating it as fuel for the next task. Time to think properly.
And it made me realise how quickly those things disappear when work gets busy again.
The quieter start to the year wasn’t accidental – last year I made the difficult decision to step back from a client who I had been giving a large proportion of my time to. It meant letting go of a routine that had become quite embedded in my week – working on site twice a week, being part of a team, and having the sort of income that is about as reliable as self-employed income can ever be.
It wasn’t an easy decision but I felt that the direction of the work wasn’t quite right for me anymore, and sometimes the hardest thing to do is acknowledge that and step away.
In practical terms it meant three things.
Less routine.
Less certainty.
And significantly less income for a while.
I trusted that by creating space, new opportunities would appear but during those first few months something else happened; I quite liked the space.
For the first time in a long while I had time to establish a gym routine and put my body first, something I feel is really important in my 40s. I also had the mental space to think more carefully about what food I was eating rather than grabbing whatever was quickest or easiest.
At the same time I took a proper look at my spending, partly because I needed to, but also because I wanted to know whether I could live on less money if I chose to. It turns out I can.
Perhaps more importantly, I realised something else… I like the person I am when I’m working a little less, or at least working more sustainably.
I’ve noticed that people of my parent’s generation often talk about success in terms of someone’s salary or job title – is this right? I don’t think so. For me, success is about health and happiness, not winning the “busy competition”!
I’ve chosen to run my own business. I’ve chosen work that I enjoy, clients I respect, and a lifestyle that gives me a bit of flexibility. Some months are busy. Some are quieter. Some weeks I work long days. Some times I work at weekends. Some days I go for a walk in the middle of the afternoon and I have been known to take a lunchtime bath (more than once)!
That’s the life I’ve chosen but I am very aware that not everyone understands it.
When I talk about this on social media there’s a strange reaction, almost as if people assume I must somehow have it too easy, or, that I am not working hard enough – hard enough for what? It’s as if choosing a different way of working means I’m not really working at all which I think is a strange assumption.
Running your own business comes with plenty of pressure. Financial responsibility, uncertainty, decision-making and the knowledge that if things don’t happen, it’s down to you.
But it also comes with something else. Choice and the ability to build a life that works for you.
I pay my bills. I run a business I’m proud of. I get to work with people and organisations I genuinely like. And I’ve tried to design my work in a way that leaves room for the things that matter to me – health, time outside, friendships and thinking space.
Now we’re moving into spring and work is picking up again with new clients, new conversations and the sort of projects that make running my own business interesting which is exciting but it also brings a familiar feeling creeping back in… some days I get to the end of the day and think, ‘what actually happened today? Did I do everything well enough?’
Sometimes I wake up in the night replaying decisions in my head – something I used to do quite often and it makes me wonder whether this is the real challenge, not building success, but holding onto balance once things start going well.
The quieter months taught me something important – maybe success isn’t just about how full the diary is, maybe it’s about whether the right things are still in it.